By Judith Akoth
Years back, I had a fallout with a colleague. She frequently came to me with complaints and overwhelmed me with negative comments about what others thought of our department. Even after I advised her to channel this information to our supervisor, that fell on deaf ears.
Eventually, I felt overwhelmed and decided to raise the issue on our department’s WhatsApp group. I was so worked up and emotionally drained. I shared the latest information she had sent me, questioned why she was the only one receiving such complaints, and even accused her of fanning these negative conversations.
Well, that did not sit well with her. The next day at the office, before we knew it, tensions boiled over into a loud confrontation. Later on, I regretted my actions because we were both unprofessional. So, I sat down and thought through the trail of events and concluded that we could have handled the situation better. I talked to a few other colleagues and even did some online research to learn how to resolve the conflict effectively, and my findings inspired the content of this article.
Understanding conflict
Conflict is inevitable in our workplaces. My mom used to say, “Where two or three people interact, there will always be conflict at one point or another. If there is none, then one person is deceiving the other.” Having been employed for half a decade now, I have come to appreciate just how true that statement is.
Conflict is not always destructive; on the contrary, it provides an opportunity for growth. The problem is that if not well managed, conflict can turn a healthy workplace into a toxic environment that negatively impacts employees’ productivity, resulting in arguments, hostility, missed deadlines, high employee turnover, and ultimately, loss of revenue. Confrontations and conflicts arise in many forms and shapes. In an office set-up, conflicts occur in the following circumstances:
• Desire for power and recognition
• Poor communication
• Feelings of insecurity
• Unclear expectations
• Misunderstandings or lies
• Cultural differences
• Sabotage
When any of the above scenarios occur, they can build up slowly and eventually manifest themselves into a conflict, like in my case, a heated exchange. Conflict can trigger self-awareness, constructive conversations, and transparent and open dialogue if handled well. These triggers, in turn, help in gaining a deeper understanding and appreciation for others, hence promoting innovation and growth while strengthening relationships.
Strategies for conflict resolution
The best way to defuse conflict is to tackle it. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, provides us with five strategies for dealing with conflict. These strategies will help you make better choices on how to tackle conflict on a case-by-case basis:
- Avoiding: This strategy is best suited in scenarios where you do not need to maintain relationships and your expectations of the other party are low. For example, if a stranger bumps into you in the corridors of your workplace and then walks away, you are more likely to ignore the person and avoid being confrontational rather than confront the person about it.
- Competing: This strategy is used when one strives/pushes to meet one’s own interests and has little concern for others. It requires one to be assertive, take a leadership role, or use power to one’s advantage. Here is an example: When two colleagues are pushing over a deadline for an assignment, you, as the supervisor, can take control and assert a specific timeline for the assignment. Another example is when a colleague tries to bend the rules for selfish reasons. Whether you are in authority or a junior employee, you can refuse their request and reinforce the right procedures.
This is more of a win-lose strategy. And if overused, it can damage relationships. - Accommodating: This strategy is mostly used in scenarios where maintaining your relationships with the other party is more important than meeting your goal. This means that you are more concerned about others than yourself. This strategy is most often used when one is generous, i.e., you genuinely want to accommodate the other party’s needs.
It is also used when one is submissive, i.e., you have little authority over your situation, and so you choose to be obedient or submissive. Additionally, it is used when we are yielding, i.e., we give up on our own interests. For example, you may not agree with your supervisor’s ideas or strategies, but continue with them. While being accommodating quickly de-escalates conflict, it can suppress creativity and innovation.
- Compromising: This happens when both parties agree to forfeit some of their needs in order to reach an agreement. It is useful when both parties value their relationship more than their individual goals. For example, after the COVID-19 pandemic, most companies wanted their employees to return to the office. In contrast, employees wanted to continue working remotely, so many resorted to a hybrid work environment where some work is done remotely while others work from the office.
Another example is when you and your colleague choose to go on leave during the same week during a busy work period. If this causes an uproar, you can forfeit some of your days, and so can your colleague. This is a lose-lose strategy.
- Collaboration: This is the most suitable conflict strategy at the workplace. It is keen on maintaining relationships and achieving goals for each party involved. Collaboration ensures that everyone is satisfied. For example, if a supervisor is dissatisfied with your work, you can contact them to find the shortfalls. This way, you can improve your work while they get their desired output. This strategy takes time and dedication, but the effort is worth it.
Pretending that conflict does not exist only escalates it. In some cases, managing a conflict might require professional mediation, team-building exercises, and more one-on-one conversations, among other things. It is okay to try different strategies!
In my case, I chose the collaborative strategy. It took time, but to this day, I continually invest all that I can to create a professional and working relationship with my colleague to achieve our goals.
The writer is a Corporate Communications Specialist at the Technical University of Kenya.